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Friday, November 27, 2009
i hate this negative feeling.
He was eating lemons. hahaaha. Funny lah.
It's late at night and I can't sleep
Missing you just runs too deep
Oh I can't breathe thinking of your smile. ~ Adam Lambert (Time for Miracles)
I haven't been myself lately. That, i dare admit. I don't know if it's because i am stressed up with the piles of workload i have to get them done with or was it just mere emotional distress? Either i am overly sensitive or those people are just testing much of my patience? Just tonight, i find the need to blog. I just needed someone or something to let it off my chest. I just don't want to bother dearest Syaa because her life is in great turmoil too. I really gotta meet my girls and let things off my chest. I haven't been feeling good. I cried silently but noone can ever picture me doing that.
Oh yes. Added to that. I visited grandpa just now as i had some function going on over at his place. Saddened enough to see the state he is at. Oh my. Just as i am typing out all these, my tears rolled down this very cheek. I cried in agony, in pain picturing him in my head. He wasn't the bubbly grandpa i used to see. All frail, bed ridden and wasn't the one with much to talk. He didn't even wanna look at us. It pains me to see how he was dependent on others. Worst part, i was checking out on him and found pressure sores over at the pelvic region. Was that my dearest grandad i have been seeing? I need not mention the illness he is suffering from but i can't help it. Such a strong man he was, but i didn't know what dampened his spirits to move on with life. All bones and just skin, looking so sunken; he was my beloved strong old man. As i massaged him, i recited prayers, hoping God would lessen his burden during death later on. I hope God forgives his sins. I miss you, Atuk. I really do. I was too speechless to say anything to him. Dumbstruck, i approached him, kissed his hands and bidded my goodbyes as i was leaving. ~ Ya Allah, ampunkan segala dosa atuk. Amin.
I have something bothering my mind but i don't wish to disclose to ANYONE about it. I mean, NOONE. Don't bother asking.
Just why, at times, the littlest things can agitate you so much, leading to great disputes? I told you in the previous blogs about relationships. I am now thinking, why have i been arguing with him? Although we have toned down, i'm still thinking hard. I guess, the only solution to it is to decrease the amount of time spent for us to talk. We need to give it a break. Take a step back. The closer you are, the more you are prone to arguments. If he is not irritated with me, i am irritated with him. At times, its hard to get clear explanations about this matter. It's called the clash of understanding. Despite all those, i love him. I really do. I told him, the song Art Of Love is for him.
I found out something that actually hurt me but i wished to keep one eye closed. Even if i am a born-ego, it doesn't mean i am a mannequin with no emotions. I have a soft inside that speaks a different language. The language of a lover.
Having said that, Thanks Dearest for the treats, the gifts. He treated me to Pizza Hut and bought me a box of Toblerone plus a card, of our photo and a self-written story about us on it. Thanks honey. He did another before that too and was given the last Friday. I wondered what's up with him and surprises. When people are too nice, they can be up to no good. So is he? He knows it himself. I can't answer that. Guilt tells a million vows.
Last but not least : Salam Aidila'dha to all my beloved Muslims.
fact : Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart? Well you can try sleeping on my bed.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
i think of you, and it's okay.
Recent photos from the recent production held at Arts House. I put my whole heart and soul on it and i guess we did great in putting ourselves together and enduring the whole lot of burden on us. It's tiring, i swear. Back to back shows. Everyday rehearsals. On the contrary, it strengthens our bond amongst us dance cliques.
That reminds me. Because of dance, i haven't been putting much effort on school. I have been exhausted and been sleeping in class lately. Oh dear. I got alot to catch up. I tried straining my eyes but at times i couldn't help it either. I'm back on track. Nursing lab practical and theory test in 2 weeks time. All the best all year 2s.
Having said that, this semester, time flies so fast, i could barely have spare time for myself. Get hold of yourself Julyanna. Think on the bright side. 2 more semesters to go! I'll be outta hell.
Much have been said. I am missing dearest babyboy.
Just talked to Hakim Omar. Like after sometime. He was talking to me about Danny Boy. Then initiated and outing of me, Noi, Danny Boy and himself. I might look up to that. Very rare do a guy friend initiate those, though. Hehehe.
fact : all you need is strong tolerance in a relationship.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
I.. I wanna grow old with you.
Dedication for the dedicated one.
Been pretty uptight with dance schedules and all for the upcoming dance production. I barely have time for studies. I gotta buck up. Anyway, i'm beginning to love bio as it seems to me.
Okay. What about love and all. They say, when it's about almost a year, there will be too many obstacles to overcome. I should thereby agree with such statements made. I have this strong belief about that too, due to past experiences. Arguments and all never fail to strengthen the rapport. But at times, i prefer to take a little step back. I just need this moment of renewing myself. Having to feel like how we first met. How we had butterflies in the stomach and all. How everything was just like a dream. So pure. So flawless until there came a point where understanding had to be emphasised. Too many ups and downs. At times,i don't know what i should do. Was it my reckless behaviour or was God trying to test my wits and see how far i am able to handle this? Step back a little, take it slow and everything will be alright. I tend to get sick of arguing. Going with the flow might just help a little. I'm sorry for whatever.
Wish me luck for my future endeavours. Everyone with their own vehicle and i haven't even get my freaking ass up to achieve that license. Wake up, gegirl. Time waits noone.
Were you real or were you just faking every move you had. As swift as an eagle, you glide through the bright nightlight, just flawlessly faking whatever you feel. How could you? Should i just be keeping quiet or let them be stepping on this very head? I have a mission; to shut you up. The only way, is to act bimbotic. For at least, i am not very much an expert in the story of hypocrisy. I have my own way of handling things. Don't you know that you are showing every flaw of yours? They say, the more you don't meet, the more you appreciate every meet up. I hope it has struck you as of for now. If not, i sure feel you are thick-skinned enough.
Thick like a babi pig. <3
Packed the whole weekends and the whole of this week. Then hell breaks loose. Living in the armpit of every dancemate. haha. I meet them everyday. Eat together, watch tv together, change together, dance together, perspire together. The spiritually neverending love.
fact : But there's so much time, to figure out the best in my life and you've already got me coming undone.
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
I don't want anyone else to realize how amazing you are.
out of sight; out of mind or absence makes a heart grow fonder? Often intrigued by these captivating idioms or best called quotes. I haven't been myself lately. I know i am missing gemok very much but there is nothing much i can do. APEC took boyfriends away. To those who have their partners as a Police, beware.
I know i have been MIA. Tell me about shutting little earthling's mouths for good? Tell me about making them stop accusing you for a whole pile of shit? Tell me about those whom you trust but they betrayed you then. I told myself that being away might help. In any case you realised the change in me, it's because you asked for it.
I met with dear Bibi over at Subaru '09.Two consecutive years, i came to see Nik Fauzy up for his challenge. Sad to say, after 9 hours of standing, he was called up for reservist. It's okay Nik. We are all here for you. I came down with Mamat as we planned to watch This Is It at Cineleisure. Then for Samihah's birthday pit at East Coast. Despite the downpour, we headed to East Coast, sparing some thoughts for Mihah. Great to see the bunch. Thanks for the food though.
Sunday, was my last meet up with Mamat to get his shoes. Afterwhich we supported Nursya for her floorball game. Bumped into Aizat at Tampines train station. Was just a hi-bye thing. Headed to Century Square to eat at Popeye's. WOOOO. Great meal. Then Mamat sent me home and prepared for school.
School has been fine so far. Juggling my time between time and dance and social life. Everyone with their license. No rush for me. I just wanna be a little street smart. It's pointless if you have a vehicle but you know nuts about the roads. To dearest Mamat, great that you had your time to drive me around Singapore. I had my time being your navigator. Despite all the scoldings i had from you, i had fun.
I was missing dance and now that i am back, meeting dance mates every now and then, it cheers me up. At least, i have my life.
fact : I sit here and wonder if you'll ever understand just how much of me belongs to you.
That Mademoiselle
Julyanna
19 year old mademoiselle
24th March
You would see me estactic most of the time. :D
However, my life is full of ups and downs.
Been facing too many obstacles in life.
My blog here, will tell you the character i bring up in me.
A student fulfilling my wishes and getting as much clarity about what is going on about life, as much as possible.
Mixing around with a bunch of a hell lot of monkeys like me.
I love them though
My friends, you are my true love.
For, my heart speaks your name each time it beats.
True friendship never dies.
To the losers who had me, I am on the losing side for trusting nincompoops like YOU!
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Rai(:
Akiff(:
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