you're not the only one...


"I was blue but a little wiser too. I was struck with all the stressors and getting myself all packed with perilous and difficult tasks that were needed to be done. I was down upon having such failures yet again, i guess i am still good to go. I kept on pondering about what happened; but i can't let this go on. I have a life to live.
I think, i am glad to have found something beautiful. 2009 was a good year eventhough, it was a year that is not easy to be pulling myself through. I have realised that i left what's past for good. Left everything and started anew with the one i love. I thought i wouldn't be in love anymore. Then again, thanks to a beautiful and unforgettable girlfriend who introduced him to me. As much as i try to show my appreciation, i still don't know how to. I'm glad our pathway crossed. If it's not for a friend, i would have been with the wrong men. Then again, the future has yet to come. I have a long way to go before putting myself together and knowing what it feels like to be leading a happy life. I have a long road and i have yet to persue my dreams. Stay on with me. We'll do this together. I know it takes alot of courage, patience and strength but, we have to. God bless all good people."
It was just a little something that i posted up on my blog at multiply. Something that maybe some of you would want to know. Especially to the one who deserves to be blogged about.
Anyways, anyhoos.. HAPPY NURSES' DAY to all the beloved Nurses all round the globe. In a way, i am relieved that i managed to persue at least a year dealing my life as a nurse. Maybe not officially but as a student. Alot that i have learnt and i still need to learn more. Enjoy your day Nurses. All the Best!
That's one. August is here and i hope it's a better month. I am sorry if i have been rather erratic with my actions and attitude. I had a bad bad bad month and i hope it gets better this time round. I am still rather upset about what had happened the past weeks but what can i do..? Life goes on. I've cried too much. For sure it's not crocodile tears because i was really really in a state of vulnerability. I have been thinking too much, and nothing good has come round yet. Applauds to me for being such an actress.
No more electives. No more lectures. BUT...!!! exams will be in 3 weeks time. First day of puasa will be my first paper. I will be having my attachments at CGH again! this time round...FOR A MONTH! gggrrrr... God bless me. It will be during puasa and it will somehow eat up my first week of raya. Attachments dates : 31st August-25th September. Then again, it's a good thing that i will have a long holiday.
Julyanna is chatting with Haddy and here the conversation goes. To Syaaaa, I am sorry. HAHAHAHA!! We can sembelih him when we meet him.
Haddy: julie, i dream bout you. hahahaha
Julie: about?? hahaha
Haddy: for me good uh. hahahaha.can say wet2 one. hahaha, i dk why but got syahidah also. hahahaha
Julie: HADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hahahahaahhaaha!!!! tak cuci kaki sebelum tidur eh?
Haddy: from now on, i wont wash my legs. hahahaha, just wash one only so syahidah wont be in my dream. hahaha
Julie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!whyy...? a dream with her is a nightmare kan?
Haddy: cam dah best2 abeh dier ade. cam boring uh. hahaha,
Julie: HAHAHAHA!! i feel like blogging about this. its crazy you know, boyyyy....!
Haddy: wahts crazy, random dream uh but syahidah mcm kacau uh. dah dekat gerek2 part she come.
Julie: she buat apa?
Haddy: she like wanna join uh. boring kan. hahhahah!!
WHAHAHAHA!!! Haddy...Haddy. I was thinking about him lately. Like how i miss his company. Then today he chats with me and tells me this. Hahaha.. By the way Syaaaa, I am really sorry about the loss of your camera. I'll get it back by this weekend. Goshh.. My greatest remorse.
At least it's something good. Yesterday, i met dann. It was a FREAKING last minute thing. He came over to eat rojak at Kallang. Bloated oi. We ate too much. HAHAHA. Then, we slacked over at the ABC park behind my house and caught up on things. Boy, you've got me thinking of your dear pimple that can be used as my bullseye mark. Cute lah.
Danial MOK! : eh, i have pimple. Then i am on duty. tak handsome seh.
Julie : Perempuan mana ni you nak woo..?
Chih. gemok punya orang. haha. siapa entah nak tengok dia. Mentel...!! hahaha. dah lah kentot kan orang at the picnic we had last monday.
what happened for the whole week...
Saturday : BUM BOAT RIDE, SHOPPING WITH NAD. BUM BOAT AND FIREWORKS WITH MAMAT.
Sunday : Daddy's birthday.. supper out after watching liverpool.
Monday : PICNIC! picnic with mamat. fun time i had with him.
Tuesday : school...
Wednesday : school and dinner with mamat.
Thursday: school.. grr.
Friday : napfa test. end of elective and dinner with mamat.
i need to study already. goodbye beloved.
LOVE YOU ALL.i'll be busy next week for cousin's wedding.
fact : day by day, it's growing.
i am not smart. so be it. don't rub it in. Thank you. (;




In school right now, waiting for elective to commence. Lucky it's games week. So i won't be running for my 2.4km run. with my beloved HI5 (julie, kai, caca, wawa and azrin). At the library's cafe, all with own laptop. I'm rather traumatised about yesterday's incident. Don't ask. I might just tear up. It has been almost a week since i last update this dusty blog of mine.
I am happy that i have no more presentations to make. I am really relieved that i don't have to go for anymore long hours group meeting to complete projects. I have to concentrate on exams. a month left before exam starts. Puasa is round the corner too. yay. save money. I have been spending alot eversince. I gotta save up dude.
Rather excited for Tomorrow and Monday. Maybe my last outing before i start concentrating on my exams. I'll be going on a bum boat ride with Mok at Boat Quay tomorrow. Heheh. Met him last night. Thanks for coming down to Kallang. Glad he was there to console me when i was at my lowest.
Sometimes, you just ask yourself if you are some kind of a good actor or actress. I guess i am good at faking things up. I am down at my lowest, but i wonder how i managed to cover it. Oh fuck it. It burns me up inside. For those who know, stop making me feel even worse. I can't be as smart, for at least, be there. Don't make me feel alot worse. Good enough i am getting over it already. Don't rub in salt to the wound. like i have mentioned before, Nobody really cares if you are miserable so you might as well be happy. Even right now, im straining every muscle trying to control myself for shedding even one drop of tear. I really wonder if i am making the right choice. Then again, i ponder and told myself to not give up. okay, drop it.
I have my physical fitness elective later on. I better save some energy before i get any weaker. I have been eating alot. And i realise, when i am dead stressed, i tend to eat alot. Call me fat or whatever. Its no offence to me. Things haven't been going my way. Upset but i cant help it. Thanks to those who felt me. Im rather sleepy. Let me catch my sleep. Goodbye. Text me whenever.

fact : it's my thoughts calling your name.
it's your enemies who will be those who tell the truth about you. (:


it's weekends. Okay. For the whole week, as hell as hell can be. I don't wanna talk about it. I am glad that my week ended good because i managed to meet darling Fantastic Four. Met at Kallang MRT and then headed to Bugis to eat at Tong Seng. Really happy i managed to meet though it was for a very short while. After food, went to slack at J&CO. Munched on donuts. Caught up on things. Back home, online since just now.
Last night, i was out with Dann to watch fireworks at Marina Barrage. Some things that people do, do get on our nerves at times. I don't know what wrong i do that they mentioned things that were unpleasant. Obviously, referring to us. Grrr. Screw you idiots. We don't disturb you, you shut up. Shut those stinking mouths. You have made the world smelly with your mouths opened. I don't like you. I don't. However, Dann and i did our own things. We gave no fig to those scoundrels.
Again and again... the same old thing. The same old shit. The same old problem. forget it. People never really see the good deeds that you do. They only see the bad things you do because they know you are bad. Sad on those peeps who can feel me. I feel you all if you are in my shoes. It's hard to see the sacrifice you have made for the one you love. Love is sacrifice. But what is love when all your sacrifices have gone down the drain and you don't even have the chance to notify them..? Then you wonder, what have you got to do in order to make them understand you. As much as you try to understand them, you still fail. Be it as a child or as soulmate. It's hard. Hard on my part. Tough luck. I was talking about this to Dann. Now, it's happening to myself again and again. I don't know when this will come to a halt.
There was a method to my madness boy
That wasn't clear to me
Until the day I saw your face
When I saw everything
Things we have gone through. The ups and the downs. The euphoric moments, the sorrows. I am glad i'm going it through with you. Yet again, sometimes, i know am such a nuisance to be pondering so much on my past. It's not that i have not moved on. It is just that, i tend to get very cautious eversince, fret not, to not get hurt again. I have been trying hard, do give me time. I need time to clear off all those doubts. I can't change overnight. I am sick and tired of arguments and such. Please. I beg you, give me time. I love you ; don't change one bit. I just want my man to be a strong man. I don't want my man to be weakened from all those stressors. I know it is unfair but give me time.. (:fact : My love for you is like diarrhea, I just cant hold it in!
beyond control.



Just why do i love them so much. we make a good bunch together.
okay, it has been a week or less since i last updated. school has been pretty packed. Things haven't been much on my side. I haven't been feeling all good these days. Shagged with all those darn projects, examinations and what nots. Still, i love the fact that i still survived despite being in a position with lots of circumstances. Am glad, i still have those standing by my side. Bioscience practical down, lab, urgh. i had to retest. Such luck i have. Probably i am still traumatised about what happened at the ward lately. God, make me feel better.
What happened recently, i am glad it's all over. I am glad we managed to pull through. Though we had a part 2 of what happened, i am relieved that it's a step to understanding. Every failure is a stepping stone to success, that's what they say. Every misunderstanding had a another blessing in disguise. I shall take it positively. Yet again, though i have forgiven you, i shan't forget about this because i shall take it as an example to how i managed to move on. Life is full of shits. As shitty as it seems, we can't do much. We can't possibly be dwelling on it. I had my tears but i am all good right now. All good to go.
Wewie :WAH, EMILYA ADA HAMSTER?
Emilya : A'ah. wewie tau nama dia apa tak..?
Wewie: Apa dia..?
Emilya : Nama dia, Hamisah. Nama pendek Hamis.
Wewie : AH?! *burst out laughing*
Kids talk are the darnest things you can ever hear. Try hearing them talk. It's hilarious. It's how they are confident of what they are going to say. Cute aren't they.
Back from school. Thinking of what to wear tomorrow. I shall be having school then meeting Hairy Danial to watch Harry Potter. haha. Kill me boy if you want to. No lah. I shall be meeting him after school. Hopefully i don't fall asleep in the theatre. I'm rather shagged. Shall go and have my rest. I had a long day yesterday. Met Mamat at Parkway and had our catch up session after a week of not meeting. Glad we met. Reached home by 11pm. Talked to him and Emilya and went to bed. I shall be sleeping early tonight i guess. But i shall see how early is my early. I am famished. Going down to fetch dear Emilya and gonna be eating at the hawker centre with Mama. Come back soon. Don't miss me.
Oh yes, i bought a new phone. Samsung Jet. Cool ke pe! haha. jakun jakun jakun. I laughed too much that i cry too much too. I have been suppressing my feelings. Should i be getting myself an anti-depressant..? hehehe.
fact : i'm feeling you boy. Feeling all good. Feeling all safe in your arms.
yes, i gave away my heart the moment that i shook your hand.

widad, mya, bibi & i : )

hello dear bestfriend. i haven't been meeting her for ages. glad we did.


by this time, both of us were dead shagged.
i dont know how to start. should i be starting with good news or bad news. prolly, i shall start with my good news. i am really really glad i was able to meet Bibi yesterday. we met at 1 plus in the afternoon because she needed to find some stuffs for her final year project. she came down with her sister and her sister's family. they fetched me from Bugis Iluma and we drove to Singapore Women's Organization or what not. Upon reaching, the place has closed down. Drove to Taka with intentions to find my clothes and to disturb baby Sya while she was working. we walked down to Centrepoint and came and shamelessly said "Syaaaa... nak satu air..". she made for us the Caramel Frappucino Coffee Jelly. Sedap oi. nak tau kenapa sedap? pasal FREE! hahaha. We came at the right time. She was having her break time. We brought her for food. Sat and talked. Flaunted my new phone to them. HAHAHA. such a bestfriend i was. we caught up on things while eating at "Panjang John Perak". haha. Long John Silvers i meant. after getting full, we bidded goodbyes with Sya and headed to Fareast to get my stuffs. Nik Fauzy came and we headed to Cityhall to meet Yaya, Widad and Uzair. Went to Carrefour to grab some snacks and then make our way to Marina Square. I am glad i met them. Halfway, it was raining cats and dogs. we seeked shelter and still managed to watch the fireworks. hehe. luckyy! waited for dearest mihah but i left earlier. In all, i had great fun. I was having aches all over my body. Despite having those, i didnt regret going out because i had a great day.
The shit came later at night. I was waiting for a call with intentions to ensure that he is safely back home. Somethings are destined to be misunderstood. So, after he told me to call, i grabbed my phone to give him a call and it went on fine. However, the night passed and things happened. I shall not elaborate much on that. I got much pissed and decided to just force myself to bed. I just decided to call off that phone talk and push myself to sleep. I didn't know it affected me so much. Even right now, when i am blogging, my heart aches. I swear. Now, we are both shutting up. He wanted to meet and talk things out. I just cant bear the thought of having to tear in front of him. It's just anguish that is making me this way. I was pissed about what happened past midnight and still pissed. I'm trying to cool down, really am. I thought, after i pushed myself to bed, i could wake up with a brand new day. with a fresh mind. Truth was, it hurt me even more.. Oh my. I hope this gets better soon enough. I really hope so. What a brand new start for the day!
I'm having my hell weeks just as tomorrow starts. I'll be busy with projects. Tuesday, i will be having my biology practical . Then, on wednesday morning, i will be having my lab assessment skill test. For next week, i will be having my presentations. sighhh.. Thank God, my theory test for Nursing Lab is over and i am glad it is done. a month left before the semesteral exams. upon couting, i will be having 6 major papers. sigh sigh sigh..
I know i haven't been blogging much. Things haven't been much on my side. I have been suppressing most of my feelings. They said it's not good; i said it's better. I never did knew i was good in faking things. What's funny, everything happened just when i am at the lowest point. All i hope for is, everything to get better. I hope the Blessing In Disguise is here to make me feel all better. I shall be taking my bath. I don't have much mood to say much. And i am afraid, the more i talk, the more i will dwell on what happened. I wanna help mom for awhile and prepare for school. And, i shan't be too affected about what happened and not study. Prolly, by studying, it could help me to divert my attention and somehow, get over it. I thank god for making this a challenge to test out my wits. I know,there'll be more to come. This is just the start. I know the worst has yet to come. I've learned from the past. I hope i am able to take it all in. I just have too many on my mind. On a good note, i've learned. :)
Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.
fact : Usually when people are sad, they don’t do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.
the wisdom of a fool, won't set you free
MUSIC FLAVA: BIZZARE LOVE TRIANGLE - STABBING WESTWARD




the photo which shows my hand, goes out to all those shameless freak. KUDOS TO YOU GUYS. i even edited a photo just for you. *applauds*. standing ovation to you peeps. as days passed, too many shameless, ever thick-skinned-boys are born on earth. ii was from Fort Canning Park with fat. He sent me off to the bustop because i didn't want him to be back late. So, he sent me off. i saw the bus from afar. i bidded my goodbyes to him and waited for the bus while he was standing at the corner waiting for his bus to arrive to. down came a BOY who approached me. i thought he was harmless because i ASSUMED that the girl standing beside him was his girlfriend. but assumptions drove me nowhere. maybe it's true. when i assume, i am making an ASS out of U and ME. he was hesitant upon approaching me. i took a step back. he came and talk to me. he said these in malay. i shall just translate. whole scene was observed by dearest fat who was standing at the corner of the bustop
BOY: "ahh. you look familiar. have i met you somewhere?"
Julie: ahh..? *confused look*
BOY: ya. i think i met you before. your name..?
Julie : julie. *still confused. feeling rather terrified*
BOY : ah. julie. pet name..? (nama manja)
Julie: julie ah.
BOY: julieeeeee...sweet. (julieeee. manja nya.)
Julie : *pffft. siapa siak dikni?* heh. your name..?
BOY : AM. (pronounced as ARM)
Julie : ah? i don't know you. (AM? AM? jahanAM? belegAM? hitAM?)
BOY : oh. if you don't know, give me your number ah. so you will know me.
Julie : *without hesitation*. ah, no need. forget it.
KAUUUUU!!!! desperado or whuat..? best part, i left my handphone with fat. he observed the whole scene. yet, he didn't approach me because he ASSUMED that "AM" was my friend. i know fat. i know you were angry about what happened. take a chill pill. good thing he didn't touch me. seriously. i was afraid. some pests i see here. for once, i was a SCARDEY CAT. haha. i thought having those who added me on social sites are shameless enough.
you know a typical thing about social sites? it's about getting to know each other online and having a friend to talk just for a short moment. if the girls reject the guys upon them asking the girls out, it's the end of friendship. hahah. i just love the thrill of accepting friend requests from those anonymous people but i don't even bother talking to them. all because i know, some of them, tend "touch and go". especially sites like TAGGED. too many perverts. TOO MANY. guess what, i even came across such messages like "hey, beautiful. are you open minded..? care to spend a night out with me..?". HAHAHA. so what if i am not? people who have their minds too opened, tend to have their brains popped out and go haywire. tell you what people, "You were looking good from afar.. now you’re far from looking good." *raises eyebrow*.- tell me if you feel affected.
i'm waiting for fat to end floorball. seriously. i get distracted easily. i did study. yet, in less than one hour, i closed the book. i'm going to the sale later on. mom and dad are off to johor. alone at home right now. was tired. i slept at close to 4am. i was transfering yesterday's pictures of Fort Canning and somehow, chatting with Amrullah online. i'm sorry to have to remind him but boy, you are going NS. haha. going to be botak boy. dah nak tengah bulan. BULAN PUN MENJELMA. ahaha. if you are reading this, im sorry. to forget about it, think about your Tranny Megan Fox. i know you will give me your common gesture like "-___-".i have known you for a year plus. i know you. : )
tell you what. i think i wanna go have my bath. i'm getting rather uncomfy. and might just get ready. see you when i see you. and dearest friends... i'll meet you guys every weekends for FIREWORKS okay..?! : D
fact : cute looks. flabby tummy. hot body. nice arms. -you're all i want.
I dropped a tear in the ocean. The day you find it is the day I will stop missing you.




yeah,i know, this picture look like as if Fadh is too happy to have his WIVES all around. sadly, emotions and expressions tells a whole lot of story.

this was such coincidence. Thanks to VANDALISER. (D)inah, (S)umaiyah, (S)amihah & (J)ulyanna..it's thursday. midnight. and i am still up. am glad my connection is back. back from meeting my darlings at Cityhall. Tell you this, the last time we really did spend time together was AGES. even i, couldn't remember the last time all gathered this way. I am really happy we did meet for just now. it was a plan for a photoshoot. more of a camwhoring session i should say. Captured great pictures.
So then again, a week left before school starts. A week left before my lab theory test. Gosh. And i haven't studied a shit. i'm gonna spend weekends. I'll be meeting fat tomorrow to go up to fort canning. Gotta thank baby sya for camera. now, i wana know if my cousins are meeting me for karaoke at night. or else, i wanna head home. and i don't have to bring such big bags. whatever it is, i hope tomorrow is yet another fun day. oh yes, i'll be going to Expo on saturday with fat for Robinsons sale. it's GSS. and i am gonna buy a new handphone. i'm gonna replace this "old and frail" handphone. please, i mean it metaphorically. not literally. don't get me wrong.
i swear, i feel dumb talking to myself on this blog. yet again, what is a blog for. it's a place where i pour out my feelings. however, i have to be wary of what i say because of some backseat drivers. Thus, whatever i feel like saying, i have to spare a thought for those people. *raises eyebrows*. you know what, when you read my blog, and you REALLY REALLY have to say something, tell me okay. for whoever who feels like hatetagging, spare some life for yourself okay. pity you. thank you for dropping by, anyway! : ). based on past experiences, i have a few who prolly feel a little jealous about my past. don't worry, who knows, you might experience the same past as i do.
anyways, anyhows, anyhoos, for those who have been texting me, i am very sorry if i sound a little uninterested. lately, i have been lazy to type much. blame it on my effin' lazy fingers. that's is why. don't get me wrong. not like i don't wanna reply or i feel forced to reply. i am just born a lazy bugger. i have been typing short messages lately. i'll try as much to be very succinct in my messages. : )
i am currently chatting with kak nad. as usual, about boys. thank god for giving life to the one i have found. boys can be such pain in the ass though we need them. however, thank you boys for making us stronger. we love you loads!
fact : these feelings never change. God, if I can’t have what I want, let me want what I have.