PATHETIC?

Sometimes, you really wonder who your true friends are when you are down at the lowest? Who will be those who will listen to all your rants, your cries, your problems and whats not. Sometimes, when you do have friends and you don't feel like as if they belong to you, you feel like you need time alone. This is when your true friends will appear and you start to realise who has been with you all along. I have a handful whom i call bestfriends. These are the people whom i really mean best of friends. Though we are far apart, though we don't meet often, they are always there. Those whom we meet often don't really know your problems. However, those who are far, will know. That is when the value of friendship will show. What tickles me is how people tend to overreact when there is nothing to react to. I may be close to many people, but knowing that most are hypocrites, made me think twice. I met my bestfriends once in every 2 months or so. I don't know why i value every moment spent whenever we meet. We have fought, we have shared alot. Then again, it's true, absence makes a heart grow fonder. When we miss, we tend to cherish those we meet rarely. Pretty sad that people often misjudge the way i am. It's pretty hard for me to juggle time yet, people tend to accuse me the way it's not suppose to be. I haven't been spending much time with family neither do i spend much time with boyfriend. I barely have time for myself. Life now is all about work and rest. I don't even have much rest. People tend to follow their emotions too much. Added to that, this triggers to what i feel like sharing.

Whenever i am in an argument with boyfriend, i have always been emphasising on the unseen good deeds and the obvious bad deeds. Which is true. You put a prisoner inside a prison. Whenever the prisoner repent, you will still think that he is still a prisoner. Earthlings have common thinking. They only see the bad things we do. Neither do they wanna see on the bright sight and see all the good things people have done. Then, i will tell myself to step back. Probably, a time alone will relief all these setbacks. However, can a time alone be able to convince all those who had been misjudging me? God, please open up their mind and heart. Show them how much i have been trying to please each and everyone but still fail. Amin.

I haven't been meeting many of my friends and that includes Mr Ahmad Danial. I haven't been meeting him eversince i was busy with exams. Then, i had attachments. Futhermore, we don't plan to meet often during the fasting month as we have other issues to attend to. Ramadhan has marched pass and still marching through and i have only met him twice. Out of the whole of two months, i guess we only meet 5 times? Well, that's better than nothing. In fact, we don't believe in meeting often. Then again, just why, the day that i meet him, will be the day that friends will ask me out? That is the question that i am rather curious. On any other free days, just why does noone bother calling me out. And the day that i am free, will be the day that friends are unavailable. Now, i know why people drift themselves away from friends. They need to find the value of friendship and where they stand. As seen, today i have been talking much about friendship. Prolly because i have been having issues dealing with emotions. Herman Hesse said this " If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us. ". I find it rather true. So, do appreciate my presence while it's still there.

I am thankful that i was able to meet syaaa for breakfast last night. Called the rest of the girls, not many replied. So i put it as a NO. Then again, as planned, i still go on with syahidah and we had a date plus a catching up session. Met at Beach Rd and had tulang with her. Upon waiting for the prayers to be recited, we caught up on things, be it friendship, boyfriends or family. Too many issues, just too many. You just can't satisfy anyone well right, girl? I feel you. What's more, we mentioned alot to each other and i am pretty sad that Bibi wasn't there. If only she was there, i guess it is gonna be a chaotic night for us. Filled with fun and laughters. I'm sorry for what sya has told me about her family. Then again, girl, you are wise enough. Take it as a learning lesson. Pray hard, it won't drag on.

Oh yes. I am waiting for dear Bibi to come back from Perth. She owe me something. HAHA. Actually, i owe her. I didn't even meet her on her birthday and that was BADDDD. And, we still have a wish to fulfil. Come back soon and we can start planning..!!

Work has been fine. Then again, some people, just some people just have nothing better to do but to spoil the mood of others. Stop being childish, will you? Staff were okay except those who treat us like slaves.

Iftar with dancemates tomorrow cum dance practice in the evening. Raya shows coming up and hell yeah, i need not think much already. Raya things are all ready. I just need to wear them and i am able to go and visit houses. I miss my family. I know i am talking like as if i am overseas. Then again, i haven't been spending and talking much with them. God, make me feel better.

1. You are the reason why even at the saddest part of my life, I smile. Even at confusion, I understand. Even in betrayal, I trust. Even in fear of pain, I love.
   
2. If you think I’m looking at you, staring at you or giving you the eye, I am because I’m trying to see if you have wings. My mother told me all angels have them.
   
3. When I was walking alone, I wished that I can reach the end of the road. But when you walked with me, I wished the road would never end because I would rather be lost with you than reach the end without you.
   
4. If I count how many times you’ve crossed my mind in my entire life, I’d be lying if I say it was too many. Cause you only crossed my mind once. Why? Cause you never left it!

fact : “A woman can hide her love for 40 years, but her disgust and anger not for one day”